


Their Thoughts

by Athena13



Series: Thoughts [7]
Category: Battlestar Galactica (1978)
Genre: F/M, True Love, reunited, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-29
Updated: 2013-09-29
Packaged: 2017-12-27 22:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/984406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Athena13/pseuds/Athena13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starbuck and Athena thinking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Their Thoughts

I can remember how confused I was last night when Father had cleared the room after dinner and left me alone with Starbuck. A Starbuck who was uncomfortably lurking on the other side of the room. Based on his earlier announcement I had surmised that he wasn't about to tell me he was imminently getting Sealed to Cassi as I had feared all secton. Just as obviously everyone thought it had something to do with me. 

I can admit it now, I had been too afraid to hope that whatever was coming was what I actively tried not to wish for.

I had thought that, at worst, he somehow blamed me for his recent break up with Cassi and was going tell me to stay away from him while they patched things up. It was plausible, it would explain why he stopped spending time with me lately. I mean, I had worked really hard not to think about me and Starbuck in "that way" for so long how was I to know what was coming? I still get a twinge in my stomach when I remember how hard it had been to cut my losses and move on when I realized he couldn't forgive me for rejecting him even though I was caught up in my own guilt and grief at the time of his proposal. 

Last night, looking at him lurking in the corner I already knew that I couldn't handle falling for him and then losing him, again. I definitely wanted to avoid any thoughts in that direction. It was all too close to the surface for comfort. I wanted to pretend that it wasn't already too late and admit that I had never fallen out of love with him.

But whatever he had in mind, I didn't plan on letting another locker room scenario occurring. Whatever he had to say, I was going to meet it head on, keep quiet, and give myself a moment to think before I responded. With that vow in mind I asked him to let me in on the big secret.

I can't help but smile now remembering how he had looked at me when I finally spoke to him. He was shy and hesitant! It was so out of character I could only stare at him. It was one of the few times lately I've been glad we were off-planet - no insects to fly into my mouth. It felt like my jaw had landed on the floor.

My obvious shock did serve to make him more comfortable. Suddenly his shoulder's straightened and the gleam that had been missing from his eyes for so long had returned. Oh Lords, how I had missed that devilish gleam. It did, does, strange things to my insides. Yeah, so much for my micron earlier resolve not to think about him in "that" way. One look and I was goo. Oh, that man has a way about him I could never resist. Even as a kid.

Damn thing was he knew it! I could tell by the smirk spreading across his face. I certainly didn't plan to make whatever he had to say easy for him. My mother taught me better so I forcibly brought my body under control, crossed my arms, and put on my sternest expression. It really shook him up too. His grin faded and a serious expression crossed his features. It was a look I hadn't seen in yahrens. At least not directed at me. He did wear it sometimes before his more dangerous missions when he thought no one was looking.

I wondered idly if I had suddenly become a dangerous mission.

Luckily for both of us, Starbuck wasn't one to back down from danger because he came walking across the room to stand in front of me. I thought I was going to swoon. We hadn't been this close together in over a secton, I had actually forgotten how good he smelled. To be honest, I had forced myself not to notice it for sectars. Last night I couldn't help myself. The whole evening had been strange and had thrown me far off balance. 

I did congratulate myself for combating my impulsive nature, I was really close to just jumping him, conversation be damned and all that.

Looking back, it wouldn't have been that tragic if I had followed my instincts.

Starbuck looked at me intently for a few centons. Studied would be a better word. He looked as if he was trying to figure out a puzzle. I now know that he was just confirming his earlier conclusions.

Conclusions he was about to share with me.

The first thing he said was a joke about my father consenting to leave us alone. I had to agree with that assessment, it hadn't occurred to me in my confusion, but it was odd that he had maneuvered the whole thing. The fact that Apollo left was even weirder, and I told Starbuck just that. That's when he grinned at me again. I was still missing something and I admit I got frustrated. I told him to spit it out. Very much not keeping quiet like I had promised myself, but he didn't take offense. He just smiled at me oddly, like he found it endearing or something, and started talking.

Luckily there was a couch behind me, because my legs ceased to function as I tried to process what he was saying. Starbuck has never been one for long, emotional confessionals. But boy did I get one that cycle. 

The words were just pouring out of him. The poor man was like a damn bursting. There were even a tear or two sliding down his cheek. Oh, wait, I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about that.

Sigh.

I'm really still stuck on how he looked, more beautiful than anything I had ever seen standing there pouring his heart (and tears) out. For me.  
Me! My Goddess, it was nothing I had ever dared to even dream could happen. I was swept off my feet. Not by his charm, but by his heartfelt words and the vulnerability in his clear blue eyes.

I can’t even recount right now the words he said. His face is stuck in my mind’s eye. Whatever the words I got the message loud and clear. 

Starbuck had come to realize that he loved me. 

That’s why he had stopped spending time with me.

Because he was with Cassi and had realized that I was the person that he wanted be with. The only person. _I_ was the reason he had stopped dating every woman in sight. Not her, me! It was mind blowing to say the least.

By the time he wound down he was kneeling in front of me and I had long ago thrown away all thoughts of playing hard to get. I reached out and wiped away his tears with my hands. I was also beyond words.

Frak, I can feel tears coming to my eyes now remembering the look on his face when I reached out to touch him. It was heartbreaking, in a good way. He looked like a man who had just come through a difficult transformation. Which I believe he has. All thoughts of not trusting him disappeared when I looked into his eyes. I still couldn't say a word though. Instead I pulled his face towards mine and kissed him.

Now that sinking feeling is back in my stomach, except now they're butterflies.

And that's why I'm standing her staring dreamily into the mirror three hours before I have to be on duty. I'm getting ready to meet Starbuck for a long and leisurely break fast.

I haven't jumped into bed with him yet. I have a feeling that this time we have the rest of our lives to savor that event. Though, I don’t intend to make him wait a year this time around. 

I smooth down my uniform one more time and then turn to go get on with the rest of our lives.

~~~~~~~~~

I'm grinning like an idiot. I know it and I can't help it. Thank the Lords no one else is around. They're all still asleep and I’m awake because I'm meeting Athena for break fast before she goes on duty. It's hard to believe all that has happened since last cycle.

I broke Cassi's heart. I saved my own. And I'd like to think I saved Athena's as well.

It's more than I ever hoped for or thought I would ever want. I am going to meet the woman I’m going take the Seal with and I’m happier than I ever thought was possible.

I still feel bad about Cassi, don't get me wrong. I was going to break up with her before dinner, but she didn’t give me a chance to talk. Then I didn’t have to, because she dumped me. Which I fully deserved along with the smack across the face she gave me. It's just sort of embarrassing to admit why it happened the way it did. 

You see, last night I went to her quarters and stumbled into a seduction scene. My body and mind's lack of cooperation with her plans didn't go over well. She fled the room and I didn't get a chance to tell her of my intentions before she got back just in time to head for Adama's and the family dinner. 

I honestly thought we could get through dinner, albeit an uncomfortable one, and then talk. I planned to handle the break up, for once, in an adult manner. Really. But as usual things spun out of my control.

We were on our way to dinner when we met up with Apollo. I could tell he sensed something was wrong, it was pretty obvious that Cassi wouldn't speak to me, and he characteristically stepped into the breach. I still figured things would hold until later that night, but then Athena ran into us. Literally into me.

Feeling her body against me was like being hit with a bolt from a pulsar cannon. If I had still held any doubts about how I felt about her they would have been dispelled right then. You see, what my body refused to do for Cassi it did in a micron for Athena. Just holding her squirming body close to mine, holding her in my arms and feeling her bare skin turned me on. And very obviously I might add. Cassi saw it right away even though I tried to hold Athena in front of me and will my body under control. 

Don't laugh! I really thought, as much as I was able to think, that holding Athena in front of me would allow me to control myself. I can shrug now knowing that nothing probably would have worked. Nothing else had for sectons. Or ever for that matter. Not even avoiding Athena stopped my body's response to just the thought of her. And we've never even made love. Yet.

As I said, Cassi noticed and was understandably upset and ran off. I followed her back to her quarters where she greeted me with an impressive right hand across the cheek. I still felt it burning when I finally arrived at Adama's for dinner. So I told her the truth. That I did, do, love her, but it had changed to just as a friend. I admitted that it was Athena I truly loved. I found myself admitting to everything. About my aborted proposal to Athena right before Cassi and I met. About how hurt I was and how I had really hoped the feelings for Athena would go away. 

It sounds brutal, especially since I knew she thought we would get Sealed, but I was tired of lying to myself, her, and everyone else.

I realize she might not appreciate it right now, but Cassi's a lovely woman and I'm sure she will later on.

That was just my first battle of the evening. Or so I thought.

I arrived for dinner late, alone and pretty humiliated. The next item on my agenda was a discussion with Apollo. Or should I say another  
discussion, much like the one we had yahrens ago when I first fell for Athena. He hadn't been happy with the turn of events and I didn't imagine he would be too pleased now either. I was wrong about that. 

After Boomer played with me for a while I finally found the courage to look Apollo in the eyes and he smiled at me! And so did Adama!

I guess you could say I have Adama to thank for my happiness now. After dinner I approached Apollo and he gave me his blessing. I remember wishing his sister would be so easy. As soon as we were done talking Adama not so casually cleared the room. Sheba left, but not before burning me with a glare. I'll have to talk with her later, even if she does belt my like her friend did.

Once the room was empty except for me and Athena and girded myself for the biggest battle of the cycle. 

Athena and I hadn't spoken a word all night, although we did hold eye contact one and off. In fact, we hadn't spoken since I knew I was in love with her. I was preparing myself for a long hard battle to convince her of my sincerity after having treated her so badly. For her to accuse me of using her on the rebound.

About a yahren ago I walked in on her changing in the ladies locker room - stop smirking, she was alone - and sprung a proposal on her. A really bad, fumbling proposal. Literally right after she had listened to her brother die and had lost her mother. And the rest of our world. 

She begged me to give her time and discuss it all later. But no, it had to be on my terms or not at all. Real romantic. Real sensitive. I still feel guilty when I remember what I did then and what I did after.

This was the woman I had been dating, although not exclusively thanks to my stubbornness, and had known for yahrens. Someone I considered a member of my family and one of my best friends. There has never been a woman I can talk to like I can talk to her. Then and now. And I bullied her at her most vulnerable point and ran off pouting. Straight into the arms of another woman. Then I spent sectars jerking her back and forth, not being able to stay away from her and not able to trust her with my feelings.

I would ask her out and then cancel on her. Or make plans when I knew she was busy. Then sometimes we would spend amazing romantic times together and I would run parsecs away from her the next time I saw her. Somehow, she found the maturity and strength to forgive me and become my friend again. Don't think for one micron I don't appreciate how much she has changed since the Destruction. Lucky for me last night she recognized the same changes in me.

Then there we were, alone in her father's quarters and my beautiful, brave friend turned and demanded to know what was going on with me. I could see the hesitation in her eyes and she saw the feelings in mine. That shocked the hades out of her. A shocked Athena was a sight to see.  
For a few centons I thought she might be putty in my hands after all, but just as quickly she put on her reprimanding teacher's façade. Worked on me just like it does the kids. I confessed everything. Took a lot out of me to do it twice in one cycle.

I almost felt bad when I saw her fall back onto the couch. Well, I did feel bad. It brought tears to my eyes to see the physical manifestation of how much I had hurt her and how much I had surprised her. I was confessing my love for her and she clearly had never suspected. Somehow, I guess part of me had thought that when I finally figured out my own feelings for her that she would just get it. Or at least notice the change in me. Though, how I expected that when I was avoiding her I don’t know. I obviously wasn’t thinking clearly for a while.

When she told me that she had refused to think of me “that way” for a long time I expected a struggle the likes of which I had only endured trying to climb up that Cylon ice mountain. I never expected her to trust me so easily after all I had proven myself unreliable. 

There I was kneeling before her when she reached out for me. She gently cupped my cheeks and then she kissed me. Just like that. That's all it took. It was her turn to shock me.

I still haven't made love to her. I didn't even, seriously, contemplate it then. We shared a many sweet and passionate kisses and talked, a lot. When we finally parted that night, she walked me back to my barracks, I felt like my soul was cleansed for the first time in my life. Making love to her, or attempting to, would have ruined that feeling I think. It reminded me of the first innocent Yule kiss we shared yahrens ago. One that I don't think she even remembers. She was just a tipsy kid with a crush on me then and I was home on furlon with Apollo and sharing the holiday with his, our, family. I'll have to remind her about it this morning.

So here I stand, still grinning like an idiot, preparing to go meet Athena to share a long repast. Why am I still standing here when I could be meeting her outside her quarter's door? 

I'd better remember to send Adama a bottle of the best Ambrosa later. I know a guy who owes me a few favors who has a private stock.

I’ll get some extra bottles for the ceremony.

END


End file.
